


The Fight

by MOONSUN4president



Category: Mamamoo
Genre: F/F, One Shot
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-17
Updated: 2018-07-17
Packaged: 2019-06-12 03:59:07
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,122
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15331227
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MOONSUN4president/pseuds/MOONSUN4president
Summary: When Moonbuyl and Solar travelled to Jeju Island for some quality time together, they had no idea that their relationship would be tested like never before.





	The Fight

**Author's Note:**

> This story was inspired by an anecdote that Solar referred to in [this V LIVE broadcast](http://www.vlive.tv/video/45048?channelCode=FCD4B), and which she and Moonbyul related in reasonable detail in another (now sadly deleted) [Yongkong Byulkong episode](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7ME6GqRiD9o). While Yongsun did a great job at making the whole story sound light-hearted and entertaining, the fact that this fight was serious enough for her and Moonbyul not to talk to each other for several days has haunted my Moonsun heart for a while. This is my attempt at leaving it behind me and letting bygones be bygones.

It was all my fault.

I was an idiot and I messed up.

We had come off Seonimgyo Bridge earlier and were now gazing at the Cheonjeyeon Waterfall, mesmerized by the lush vegetation, the crystalline water, and the intricate carvings of the nymphs. My sun stood there, as if entranced, looking impossibly radiant amidst all this ethereal beauty. Everything about her seemed to belong in this place and, at that moment, I feared she would vanish like a shooting star and forever be lost to me. I needed to know that she was still there, still with me, and without a moment’s thought I pulled her into my arms and pecked her on the lips.

She pushed me away, hard, nearly losing her balance. I grabbed her wrist to prevent her from falling into the water, but she jerked it free and gave me a look that froze me on the spot. Her anger always had that effect on me.

“What do you think you’re you doing?” she asked between clenched teeth, her eyes darting left and right to ensure that no one was paying attention to us.

“You looked so beautiful…” was all I could manage to say before she hushed me.

“What if someone saw us?” she said, an edge of panic in her voice. I hated when her voice did that, because it was a sound that never failed to frighten me.

“So what?” I blurted out, my own voice already quaking from the realization of what I had just done.

“ _So what?_ ” Yongsun squinted, as if she couldn’t quite believe what she had heard. “What if someone was filming us, Byulyi?”

Byulyi. Not Byul, or Byul-ah. She only used Byulyi when she reprimanded me.

“ _Unnie_ ,” I said, my heart hammering so hard, I could barely hear my own thoughts. “Who would be filming us here?”

Yongsun let out a frustrated huff and shook her head in exasperation, as if she were talking to a particularly stubborn child. “ _Anyone_ could be filming us here!”

Her voice was rising and I suddenly noticed that people were looking our way. “ _Unnie_ , please, you’re making a scene.”

That was the wrong thing to say. Yongsun’s eyes threw a pair of daggers at me before she spun on her heels and walked away. I was so stunned that I could do nothing but watch as she got farther and farther from me, never once glancing back. Only when I lost sight of her did I finally break out of my stupor and run after her.

When I caught up with Yongsun, she completely ignored me and marched on, her face hard as stone. I called her name and grabbed her arm to get her to slow down, but she broke out of my grasp and just kept on walking.

I had never seen her this way, never felt the icy arrows of her fury lodge themselves deep into my heart; and as I followed behind her like a lost puppy, it dawned on me that, in a single moment of weakness, I might have forfeited everything that I held dear and for which I had worked so hard. I almost hated Yongsun for having that kind of power over me.

By the time we reached our hotel room, the magnitude of my mistake had fully sunk in and I was ready to burst into tears from sheer anguish. I needed to hold her close to me and feel her warmth against me, to hear her say that she loved me and that everything would be all right. Instead, Yongsun started picking up her things and moving them to the other side of the room, letting me know that she had no intention of sharing a bed with me tonight.

That was when I got angry.

“What are you doing?” I asked, deliberately dropping all honorifics.

The effect was immediate and stopped her dead in her tracks.

“What, are we friends now?” she asked, her voice tearing right through my gut.

“Why are you acting like this?” I persisted, still refusing to use proper speech.

Her eyebrows shot up and she stared at me, slack-jawed and blinking disbelievingly. “Are you joking right now?”

I wasn’t joking, and I knew exactly why Yongsun was acting this way. I just needed to hear it from her, because as harsh as her words could be, they would never be as terrible as her silence. “Do I look like I’m joking?”

The words escaped me before I could stop them, and I watched helplessly as Yongsun huffed dismissively and resumed moving her things in silence. I knew then that our relationship had reached a fork on the road, and if I made the wrong choice, I _would_ end up losing everything that meant anything to me.

Because a life without Yongsun simply wasn’t a life I wanted any part of.

I stood in the middle of the room, petrified, trying to think of something—anything—to say to her. But my words failed me, as they always did in moments like these, leaving me with only one, desperate thought: I had to get out of here.

So I left, tongue-tied and light-headed, as my racing heart echoed the pounding of my feet and my eyes became blinded by tears. I don’t remember where I went or what I did, only that the world felt cold and colorless.

* * *

When I returned later, I found the door locked and worried that Yongsun had left and locked me out. I pressed my ear against the door and, hearing nothing, wondered whether she could have been angry enough to have gone back to Seoul, leaving me stranded on Jeju Island. I knocked, tentatively at first, then more insistently, until I heard the door being grudgingly unlocked. I braced myself and opened the door, half-hoping and half-dreading to find Yongsun standing behind it.

She was lying face down on “her” bed, eyes glued to her phone and acting like I wasn’t even there. And that hurt more than if she had carved a hole in my chest and ripped my heart right out.

It wasn’t supposed to be this way. Jeju was _our_ special place, our paradise and our haven. It was the place where I had first confessed to her, and where she had reciprocated my feelings. It wasn’t right for us to be tearing each other apart where it had all begun.

I could feel the tears stinging my eyes again, but I refused to let Yongsun see me like this. I went into the bathroom and made a show of slamming the door shut behind me. I wanted to tear the whole place down and let the world know that my heart was being shredded to pieces while the love of my life was in the next room pretending I didn’t exist. I caught sight of my face in the mirror and barely recognized it, so much did it resemble a Noh demon mask. It was all I could do not to claw at my own eyes. Perhaps if I could no longer cry, the pain in my soul would go away.

But my tears had already left their mark and I began erasing the evidence of my shame. I felt nauseous and heart-sick, like an actor about to enter the stage. I wasn’t ready to face her. Not yet.

Then I heard her voice, a soft humming that usually filled me with wonder but which now only added to my growing anxiety. She knew the effect her voice had on me, and she was using it as a weapon to weaken me until I came back crawling, begging for her forgiveness. And I would. I always did.

Yet Yongsun wasn't content to simply torment me with her voice and decided instead to push me to the breaking point. She entered the bathroom and started removing her make-up, her gestures mimicking mine almost perfectly in a kind of impromptu version of _Décalcomanie_. And all the while she kept on humming, her voice invading my mind, her body claiming my space, her eyes that saw-me-yet-didn't pulling me in.

I couldn't resist her. I couldn't push back. So I gave in.

" _Unnie_ ," I said as coolly as my frayed nerves allowed. "Let's talk."

I thought I saw a glimmer in her eyes then, something that could have been either relief or satisfaction. Something that was beautiful and infuriating in exactly the way she was. I couldn't stand being in the same room as her; I couldn’t bear being away from her. She filled my life with everything that life could offer, be that joy or sadness, bliss or pain, comfort or fear, laughter or tears, happiness or misery.

Love and hate.

Without her, I was an empty shell, a blank canvas, an eternally dark moon. Without her, I only existed to be forgotten.

Those were the things I wanted to say to her; but none of these words made it past my lips.

Instead, we left things half said, blaming each other for doing what was only natural: for me, it was showing the woman I loved how I felt; for Yongsun, it was protecting what we had and what we had worked so hard to get.

I knew I had made a mistake; but I resented Yongsun for not being braver. For not loving me enough not to care whether people were watching. And I think she resented me for being selfish and for acting so carelessly. Because this wasn't just about Yongsun and me: it was about Wheein and Hyejin, about our families, and about all the people whose livelihood depended on the two of us keeping our secret.

Yet I didn't want to hide anymore. What if we became so used to suppressing our feelings and holding back from acting on them, we could no longer show each other our love when it was just the two of us?

That night, Yongsun and I slept in the same bed; but she left her things on the other bed, as if she hadn’t quite made up her mind about where we stood.

* * *  
The next day, we barely talked and only made eye contact out of either necessity or habit. By the time we got back to Seoul, anyone who saw us together would have believed that we were complete strangers.

It was killing me.

But I refused to ask Yongsun for forgiveness because I had done nothing wrong. Kissing her in public had been a mistake, but it wasn’t _wrong_. Surely she could accept this? I had spend the whole morning surfing the Internet, looking for any sign of trouble, for evidence that someone had caught me in the act, and I could find nothing. Yet when I had told Yongsun that I thought we were safe, all she had said was that we had been lucky.

And those were the last words she had spoken to me.

Days went by in an unbearable silence that cut through me like a scythe while a storm raged in my mind, threatening to pull me under and into an abyss of despair. Every day, the wall that Yongsun was building around herself grew thicker and higher, and every public appearance, every performance on stage, every moment I had to spend in her company left me feeling a little emptier and further burdened my heart. I tried to keep up a brave front whenever there were people around, but I wouldn’t be surprised if some of our fans noticed that something wasn’t quite right between Yongsun and me. After a week of this masquerade, I was exhausted and, as soon as our schedule allowed, I decided to pay my family a visit at home.

My parents surprised me by introducing the newest member of our household: a Corgi puppy named Haengoon. While I had heard them discuss the possibility of getting a companion for Daebak—our other Corgi—I had no idea that they had gone ahead and actually adopted a new dog. I was so delighted by the puppy’s unexpected presence and adorable antics that I forgot about Yongsun for a moment. But it was only for a moment and, before long, my mother noticed.

She made me sit and eat some homemade food, claiming as she always did that I was too thin. Then she led the conversation to the topic of work and of how well Mamamoo were doing, and I knew that she would soon be asking me about Yongsun. Although I haven’t told my parents about Yongsun and me, I have had a feeling that my mother has known what has really been going on for a while.

“You look tired,” my mother said. “Have you been sleeping well?”

I shrugged. “No worse than usual.”

I didn’t want to be terse with my mother, but I didn’t like where this conversation was going. I didn’t want to talk about Yongsun, because I didn’t want my mother to find out about Yongsun and me while the two of us were fighting; to know that Yongsun was breaking my heart in so many pieces, I feared I may never have a whole heart again.

But she persisted. “Then what’s on your mind?”

I sighed. “Our company has huge plans for Mamamoo in the coming year, and I’ll get to sing a lot more than I have in the past.”

“That’s wonderful!” my mother exclaimed. “I always thought it was a shame that they didn’t let you sing more before. You have such a lovely voice.”

I nodded, not knowing how else to respond. Mothers were supposed to be supportive and say things like that to their children, weren’t they?

My mother remained silent, giving me a chance to gather both my thoughts and my courage to further open up. And after a while, I did.

“It’s a lot of pressure,” I said, “and I’m afraid the stress and fatigue will pull the members apart over time. I’m afraid that I’ll lose their friendship.”

I felt my mother’s hand cover mine at the same time I saw a tear fall from my eye and onto the table.

“Did you have a fight with one of them?” my mother asked.

I nodded again, the tears now freely rolling down my cheeks. My mother tightened her grasp on my hand, but did not speak until I had calmed down.

“I can’t imagine what it’s like to be you,” she finally said, her gruff voice sounding oddly quiet. “To have so many people who love every little thing that you do and so many others who can find nothing good about you. I can’t imagine the pressure you’re under or what it’s like to have all these strangers pulling you in a hundred directions, with every one of them wanting a piece of you. I can’t imagine your life, but I know you, Byulyi, and I know how hard you’ve worked for what you have. You've been a good role model to your sisters, and the best daughter a mother could hope for. I’m very proud of you, of the woman you've become. Your father and sisters are, too. But don't let pride get in the way of your friendship.”

My mother was right, of course, and hearing her say Byulyi immediately reminded me of the last time Yongsun had spoken my name. Suddenly, I wanted to hear her voice again, hear her say my name with warmth and affection. I wanted to call her and apologize until she forgave me. But I was afraid she might not answer, and I didn’t want to risk leaving a cringe-worthy, stammering mess of a message on her voice mail.

So I did the one thing that never failed to soften her heart: I sent her pictures of cute animals. More specifically, a few pictures of Haengoonie the Irresistible Puppy. I waited a few frantic moments with my heart in my throat, and eventually, I got a text message from Yongsun:

_— Are you ready to make up?_

My answer was immediate:

_— Of course._

And when Yongsun did not reply, I knew I had to go all the way in:

_— I’m sorry, unnie._

Her reply was quick this time:

_— I’m sorry, too._

I stared at my phone for a moment, hoping she’d invite me to come over; but Yongsun’s heart had not completely melted and she remained silent, so I gave in and asked:

_— Can I come over to your house?_

_— Of course,_ Yongsun promptly texted back.

My heart soared and a huge smile spread across my face. My mother was disappointed when I told her I couldn’t stay for dinner, but she packed some of the food she had been cooking into two containers and insisted I took them with me. I thanked her and apologized again for missing dinner with the family, but my mother gently patted my cheek and told me not to make my friend wait.

If I’d had wings, I would have flown all the way to Yongsun’s house; and I’m certain butterflies would have come out of my mouth when I spoke, had I not been struck speechless by the sight of Yongsun when she opened the door. She had made herself up and looked like she had stepped right out of a dream. I had been so eager to see her, I hadn’t even taken the time to change into something presentable, so I just remained rooted to the spot, unable to move.

“Aren’t you going to come in?” Yongsun said, a small, teasing smile appearing on her lips.

I stepped inside the house and Yongsun closed the door behind me, enveloping me with her perfume. She knew it was my favorite fragrance and my hammering heart quickened just a bit more as I handed her the food that my mother had packed.

“Please tell me your mom made this,” Yongsun said, her fingers brushing against mine as she took the plastic containers from me.

I had to swallow hard before I could answer. “My mom made this.”

“Good,” Yongsun approved. “Why don’t you take off your clothes?”

I stood there, wide-eyed and agape, unsure whether I had really heard what I thought she had said. Yongsun covered her mouth with a hand as if her words had accidentally slipped out, but the naughty glint in her eyes told me otherwise.

“I meant your  _coat_ ,” she said with a falsely embarrassed smile. “Why don’t you take off your  _coat_.”

I did take off my clothes, eventually. By then, my mother’s food was long gone, and the moon sat high up in the sky, shining bright with the light from her sun.

* * *


End file.
